I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
