No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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