Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
