she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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