seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
