so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
