So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
