I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize