i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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