just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
