dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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