how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
