I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
