I wish i was in the wii world.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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