All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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