dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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