wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
