I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
false alarm. still invincible.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
