I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How does one acquire holy water?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
