Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
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I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize