Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
