I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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