you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
