I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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