hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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