Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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