she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
