I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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