He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
