remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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