I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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