I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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