My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
