My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
