would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
