Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
