I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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