What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
