Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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