I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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