I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
