On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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