My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize