By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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