Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
