he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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