Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
