So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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