I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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