I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
