He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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