I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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