got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
