The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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