my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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