I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
