i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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