her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
