everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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