I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
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He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.