How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off