Soap is not a condiment
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.