i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?