I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.