are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?