Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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