The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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