he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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