can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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