brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
