my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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