people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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